Features logo

I don’t understand the point of grass. 

Let me clarify, I am saying that we should no longer have grass. Most of you can’t keep it alive, and those of you who can, forget to mow it. I’m fully convinced grass is just an itchy, outdoor decoration.

I should probably mention that my personal vendetta against grass starts with the fact that I am allergic to it. I just want to know what I did in my past life that I am now punished with such an awful allergy. 

The crazy mower guys on campus are going to be the death of me. They are just out here on their zero-turn mowers, flying back and forth, purposely terrorizing me. I love walking to class and having to pause in the middle of the sidewalk to sneeze more than I did when I had COVID-19. 

Allergies aside, I know most of you will agree with me when I say grass is the itchiest thing in the world. It’s worse than the god-awful sweater your grandma unpromptedly knitted you last year.

Not only is it itchy, but when you sit on grass, you are inviting millions of little bugs to explore your — well you get the point. How are there not more people freaking out about this right now? That is horrifying, yet y’all are just sitting on grass like that’s not a thing. 

Name one good thing about grass, go ahead, I’ll wait. I get it, you think it’s pretty, but the bottom line is, grass is single-handedly the second most unnecessary thing to exist. The first being screaming babies — that’s a whole other Stroller.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.