There are a lot of Christmas songs, and an innumerable amount of them are bad. Some are just terrible pop renditions of classic songs sung by people who couldn’t find a tune if it hit them on the back of the head. Others are just creepy. However, there is one truly terrible, gut-wrenching, e… Read more

I’m about to dust off a take so cold it would make my ex-girlfriend’s heart look like the sun in comparison. Christmas should not be celebrated until after Thanksgiving. Read more

If you are the person that believes getting blacked out is a personality trait, you should Google AA. College is draining enough, now I have found myself gagging at the thought of alcohol. Read more

Today’s college sophomores are essentially freshmen with darker bags under their eyes. The pandemic robbed them of the “college experience” and indoctrinated them into the ways of online finals and no football games. Read more

As soon as the calendar turns to the 10th month, people start to get excited. The middle of fall — or if you are pretentious and insufferable, autumn — signifies the beginning of Halloween or, in other words, “spooky szn.” Read more

We are in the age of cancel culture, according to people who like to be bigots and then are shocked when they have to pay consequences for it. We, as a society, have canceled everything from racists to homophobes to people who genuinely believe “Cars 2” is good — it’s the worst Pixar movie, … Read more

Everyone’s favorite alien parasite cosplaying as a computer science nerd with daddy issues lost $7 billion on Monday. Mark Zuckerberg lost a mere fraction of his total net worth because Facebook and Instagram didn’t work for the majority of the day. He’s not the only one who lost something y… Read more

Are you tired of people pushing an extensively researched, completely safe COVID-19 vaccine on you? Do you want to use alternative methods like Ivermectin and bleach injections but are worried about possible side effects? Well, I just might have a solution for you. Read more

Hey, do you guys realize midterms are like two weeks away? Because midterms are like two weeks away. Read more

Holidays have rules. For Memorial Day, one must get drunk on a pontoon boat because somehow that honors our troops who have died in battle — side note but the people posting about how Memorial Day is “more than just a day” on Facebook are normally the drunkest on that day. In the case of Hal… Read more

White people love to talk about the start of hoodie season on Twitter. It’s a pantheon white person topic from June to September; they wait with baited breath for the time when they can break out the old Nike hoodies and crewnecks from colleges they didn’t go to. I, as a white person, would … Read more

Conspiracy theories suck now. Add it to the list of things the MAGA crowd has ruined including the red hats, voting rights and for a brief but devastating period, Kanye West. Read more

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The overused phrase is often attributed to the time of year when Maryville looks like the set of a sequel to “The Revenant” where Leonardo DiCaprio treks through the terrible ice-laden parking lot of Taco Bell to get to Taco John’s. However, here in … Read more

As my freshman year comes to a close, I thought it’d be a fitting stroller to simply write about how much I enjoyed living in the dorms.  Read more

If you haven’t given much thought to how wonderful cows are, you should. Cows are just like people; they get emotional and happy and sad. That’s why I want to pet one.  Read more

The bars are boring. Parties reek with COVID-19. What else is there to do in Maryville? After months of craving some excitement, I finally discovered the cure for the Maryville blues — bowling.  Read more

I’ve noticed people on campus not following one particular safety guideline. No, I’m not talking about the athletes that can run for days at practice but can’t be bothered to pull their masks over their noses. I’m also not talking about that one guy that ignores his assigned seat in class an… Read more

I avoided military recruiters like the plague in high school, and I thought that since I’m in college now, I wouldn’t have to deal with anyone trying to trick me into dying in the desert for a barrel of oil, but luckily for me there’s even more of them on campus. Read more

We’ve been in virtual classes for a year and some people still haven’t gotten Zoom right. It’s whatever; I know it must be difficult to understand a simple video chat program in 12 months.  Read more

In today’s world children become adults on a timeline. The first milestone is a driver's license at 16. The federal government says you are an adult at 18, and a bartender says it’s 21. Some think you are not an adult until you pay rent or other payments. I believe you are an adult when you … Read more

One of the most prevalent personality traits among the eternally boring and insufferable people in my life is their unfounded hatred of TikTok. They believe — just like the guy who peaked in high school that was too cool to dance to the wobble at prom — that their nonparticipation in popular… Read more

I suppose it all started in the election of 2016. The orange wall man with stupid hair and the “Zodiac Killer” for the republicans while the left was stuck with Hillary “Pokemon Go to the polls” Clinton and Col. “Feel the Bern” Sanders. We all were on an uneasy edge that took off in the form… Read more

If you don’t own a four-wheel-drive vehicle, you might want to make sure that your airbags are effective and your insurance is up to date.  Read more

Remember the good old days when people could smoke cigarettes in restaurants? And the even better days when they forced smoking sections into said restaurants so smokers could sip their chemical cocktails without disturbing the non-smokers? Well, I think this same concept should be implement… Read more

It’s that time of year again. The time when a bunch of guys who could barely see the field in high school try to pretend they understand what Patrick Mahomes goes through during the Super Bowl. No, by all means, Dylan, you were the third-string punter on a 40-man roster in small-town Missour… Read more

Just when you didn’t think Maryville could get any whiter, we got like eight inches of snow, and I’m here for it. Sure the pristine pale snow is already turning the color of a sewer root beer float, but even brown sludgy snow is still snow. This frozen water makes everything better. Read more

Country music has never been my cup of tea or glass of sweet tea, I guess. Get it? Because rednecks drink sweet tea. Anyway, I don’t usually like it mainly for the fact that it generally doesn’t sound good. I am somewhat of a stickler when it comes to music taste as I prefer it to be pleasan… Read more

The Stroller is normally a place for satirical views of current events and trends. It’s mostly comprised of trite observations and jokes at the expense of those who care about a particular topic or believe a certain way. This stroller is not like that. This one is serious. You need to watch … Read more

The official holiday for gluttony is here, and it is going to look different. Out of an abundance of caution — I hear this phrase in my nightmares — my family has decided to shrink the guestlist for this year’s event. It will result in some classic Thanksgiving staples being absent from the … Read more

I spend a lot of time in my car. Most of the decent things in Maryville are firmly out of walking distance, so I hop in the decade-old sedan and go for a jaunt. I also try and visit my parents, who are hundreds of miles away, rather frequently. They pay for my tuition and have supported me f… Read more

So, there I am in the midst of my post-Halloween slumber when I awake to a curious sound. The faint sound of Michael Buble — he’s super relevant all year round — echoes throughout my house, and I can smell pine-scented candles in the living room.  Read more

It’s finally here. This weekend I will finally get to enjoy the best holiday that America has to offer. I plan on having a raucous celebration with treats and costumes. I may even turn on a spooky movie late at night to celebrate. I am of course talking about daylight saving time. Read more

Waking up early on Saturday to go pick out some large orange fruit to stab with a knife in the company of loved ones is a true Midwestern tradition. I look forward to the opportunity every single fall, and this year I can’t wait to go out and waste, I mean spend, a Saturday on the hallowed g… Read more

To many, Homecoming may seem like an arbitrary celebration completely constructed to make people that pay money to have friends and know three letters of the Greek alphabet feel like their organizations are important, but to me, it’s so much more than that. Even with COVID-19, I’m still real… Read more

I’ve seen all I need to see after the presidential debate. Well, I didn’t actually watch the debate; I rewatched episodes of “The Office” that I have seen 11 times — it’s better than “Friends” — and then saw a highlights video on Facebook, but I am now sure in my choice for who I am voting f… Read more

You’d think that in the middle of a global pandemic and social distancing orders, being forced into random groups for assignments would take a break. Nope. Not here. Instead, some of my in-person and online courses have major group projects. Read more

I know lots of students are stressed at the thought of going back home after just a few weeks. Thankfully, there are many social distancing steps Northwest is taking to make sure that we all get the in-person education that we already paid for. Read more

Nothing quite says “Welcome back” like 14 days stuck in a one-bedroom apartment, does it? I’m 49 hours into a 14-day quarantine and am truly sick of staring at these beige walls and suspended ceilings — almost as sick as I am with all you guys not wearing your masks in public! Read more

Two words: Toilet paper. Read more

Don’t misunderstand me — I’m a huge fan of spring. I look forward to almost every aspect of it — warmer weather, greener grass, being able to go outside in a T-shirt and shorts and so on. Notice I said almost every aspect. That one exception is quite honestly the bane of my existence: daylig… Read more

Let’s talk about the biggest win-win scenario on campus: Starbucks’ free coffee after 9 p.m. Didn’t know that was a thing? Clearly not utilizing your resources. Read more

When it comes to holding doors, it seems like there are two types of people: those who think “We’re all in this together” and those who think it’s every man for himself. With either, there’s really no winning. Read more

Halloween consumes the entire month of October. Christmas gets its own season and a collection of recycled songs. Daylight saving time is celebrated two separate times a year. So why is Valentine’s Day resigned to one day in, like, the third-worst month of the year? Read more

I don’t know why everyone is so insistent on complaining about the potholes that are littered up and down Walnut and Main Street and every other road within five square miles of Maryville, potholes that are probably more comparable to, I don’t know, craters? Read more

Ah, the Midwest. It’s not only a place, but something that runs deep in the blood of those born here. We bleed ranch dressing, we say ‘ope’ when we scooch past somebody in the grocery store, and most importantly, we will never, ever, EVER have a snow day. Read more