Features logo

Two words: Toilet paper.

Now I know what you’re thinking: “Yes I know, there’s no toilet paper anywhere.” We should have all indeed listened to Chuck from “Supernatural” in Season 5, Episode 4, when he said, “You hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it’s made of gold. ’Cause it is.”

But that isn’t my point. The point is, from walking through Walmart Inc. or Hy-Vee, or anywhere else, that yes, there will be no toilet paper, or cleaning supplies, or hand soaps or hand sanitizers, but there are still shelves full of food ripe for the pickings.

There’s still ice cream. There’s still chocolate. There’s still those lunchables and frozen dinners and pizzas. There’s still an aisle of canned soups, snacks and candy.

I don’t know about you all, but I’m pretty excited about that.

Let these other people cry about the end of the world as we know it and hoard their toilet paper — I mean what else are they going to eat, right? They’re probably drinking their hand soap too. But those of us who have an appetite for some real food, those are still up for grabs.

I’m talkin’ ramen noodles. I’m talkin’ mac ’n cheese and hot dogs, and maybe if you wanna get a little fancy with it, you can get some of that Chef Boyardee. Maybe a glass of sparkling grape juice.

I say there’s no better time to treat yo’ self than now.

Think of the possibilities. If you go to the store right now, I bet you could get yourself a four-course meal, and if you’re lucky, maybe a lunchable or two.

It sounds better than eating toilet paper, doesn’t it?

Just make sure to wash your hands before you eat. If you don’t have any soap, just use melted cheese. That should work.

(0) comments

Welcome to the discussion.

Keep it Clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Don't Threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be Truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be Nice. No racism, sexism or any sort of -ism that is degrading to another person.
Be Proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
Share with Us. We'd love to hear eyewitness accounts, the history behind an article.