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Are you tired of people pushing an extensively researched, completely safe COVID-19 vaccine on you? Do you want to use alternative methods like Ivermectin and bleach injections but are worried about possible side effects? Well, I just might have a solution for you.

The best alternative prevention method against COVID-19 that has been proven by science will require a depressed freshman male’s favorite beverage: a Natural Light. First, take the can of beer that tastes like a drunk person’s memory of ale-flavored vomit and set it outside.

Next, wait for it to reach exactly 88 degrees Fahrenheit and then slightly crack it. I know what you’re thinking — “I’m going to shotgun it,” — but what you do next is set the beer in an asphalt parking lot.

Finally, dance around it six times in a clockwise motion while shouting your maternal grandmother’s maiden name — it must be maternal. If it’s paternal, you’ll just protect yourself from the H1N1 virus.

Perhaps most importantly, you need to film this process and then upload it to social media. This will allow us to spread this prevention method faster without interference from, as Jack Black says in the ethereal, noir, classic film “School of Rock,” “The Man.”

Be loud and proud about your resistance to something that has full FDA approval. It’s how you show those around you the kind of person you truly are. And at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.

If you do this, I promise that maybe, quite possibly, it might help you. And unlike Ivermectin, it won’t poison you. So, that’s always a bonus.

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