White people love to talk about the start of hoodie season on Twitter. It’s a pantheon white person topic from June to September; they wait with baited breath for the time when they can break out the old Nike hoodies and crewnecks from colleges they didn’t go to. I, as a white person, would argue these people are forgetting a crucial, sweaty season.
Sweaty season is the glorious four to six weeks at the beginning of every school year where it is so unbearably hot that you must plan your outfits around how much you will sweat. If you choose wrong, your walk to class could make you look like an anti-vaxxer that just ingested a horse dewormer.
Pressure makes diamonds, and this extra pressure and stress with heat-related issues forces all of us to be at the top of our game.
Hoodie season, and winter as a whole, is too easy to plan outfits for. All you do is throw a hoodie on top of a random t-shirt and wear pants. For these four weeks you have to have a fashion strategy or everyone will know you as the insanely sweaty person from the first few weeks of class.
Light grey shirts are a hard no go. Need to wear your backpack for extended periods of time? You better love the look of back sweat. Do you have a sick pair of light sweatshorts to wear? Take time in the morning before you get dressed to pray to whatever deity you believe in that your posterior doesn’t resemble the Everglades by days end.
This time separates the true titans from mere mortals. As the great DJ Khaled once said in an album title, sometimes you are “Suffering From Success.” Give me that diamond-making pressure over hoodie season every day of the week. Maybe someday I’ll sweat my way to Tiffany’s.