NWM

It amazes me that the ones who can sit cozy behind their plush and probably warm desk are the ones who get to decide whether we die or not.

As the news channel describes the weather of Maryville, Missouri to be colder than Antarctica, literally, can cause frostbite in less than 10 minutes to exposed skin, hypothermia and death as risks of the negative 20-something degree weather, the only thing that saved us all was an off-campus water leak.

Let’s be honest Northwest administration, without the water leak, we would’ve been forced to endure the cruel and unusual punishment of suffering through the dreadful tundra Maryville has become. I truly believe that God heard all of our prayers and pleading. I know Her heavenly voicemail was probably filled with hysterical Northwest students pleading, “I don’t want to freeze to death; I don’t want to lose my fingers. I’m only 20; I’m not ready to die yet!”

I am sure this will happen again and let me say this: if I get frostbite on my face and the tip of my nose falls off, I am going to sue you. If my toes and fingers turn black and breakoff like icicles on the side of a house, I am going to sue you. If I catch hypothermia and die, I am going resurrect myself and, you guessed it, sue you.

Don’t worry, the administration won’t be the only ones. I will also sue any professor that even attempts to send me a “Class will continue as scheduled at its normal time” email. Now, considering I’m not willing to miss a whole semester of classes this close to graduation, I will show up, just to sulk, and possibly curse at you.

I’d advise you all to strap in tight, because hell is going to break loose if I suffer one more day of this torture. I am reporting you all to my mother.

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