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On Tuesday – also known as twosday – the people of Maryville awoke to an unexpected inch of ice on their windshields. Not only did we get to spend half an hour scraping it off of our cars, we were also blessed with testing out the theory of death while driving to our morning classes.

I don’t know about you, but all of the 12-year-olds on TikTok told me that if I interacted with their video three times, then I would have the best day of my life on twosday. I must have missed one because I didn’t think I would have to wake up Tuesday morning and drive on black ice.

By midday, the roads were fine, and I would classify them as safe to drive on. But Northwest also gave us the pleasure of not canceling morning classes and hoped we would all get to campus sans death. Now, I might not be the best driver in this town, but I think it is safe to say that I am not the only one who walked outside, attempted to walk to their car, almost fell, decided “that's not happening” and walked back inside.

I apologize for missing my morning classes on this fine twosday, but my nonexistent manifestations did not include dying on the trip to campus – though that would be a nice check. I am so glad I chose a college that doesn’t believe in snow days just as much as I don’t believe in Hellen Keller – side note, there is no way that woman was real.

Although you might not want to classify this as what the University likes to call “inclement weather days,” might I interest you in creating “we don’t want our students to crash their car” days?

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