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Not a single human being on this too hot of a planet cares about your big truck. Seriously, no one cares.

I understand that maybe in your yee-yee town it was normal to drive around in your daddy's money truck and “roll coal,” but on campus, when I’m trying to go to class, I don’t need that in my life.

It’s kind of weird how proud you are to be contributing to the death of the planet with your lifted Duramax, but if you could kindly not so our generation’s future kids could breathe, that would be great.

I’m not sure if you have been informed of this, but revving your engine to speed up and stop at the next crosswalk 50 feet away is not attractive. No woman in history has ever thought, “Wow, the way you dramatically sped up before you had to stop was really cool; do you want to go out?”

Also, I’m really tired of having to pause conversations about my fantasy team every time you drive your big ol’ gas guzzler by.

Loud trucks are annoying, not impressive. Maybe just wave at people like a normal Midwesterner instead of revving your engine.

Take a break from trying to show off a big hunk of metal that you or your parents paid entirely too much for and maybe be smart and environmentally conscious for once and buy a Honda Civic.

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