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I spend a lot of time in my car. Most of the decent things in Maryville are firmly out of walking distance, so I hop in the decade-old sedan and go for a jaunt. I also try and visit my parents, who are hundreds of miles away, rather frequently. They pay for my tuition and have supported me for my entire life, so driving home to mooch off of them for a few days seems like a proper repayment. One thing that brings me joy every time I go for a drive is seeing your bumper stickers and other car accessories.

I bet some of you were driving around prior to Nov. 3 unsure of who to vote for and just waiting for a sign from the heavens. Well have no fear, a cheap Biden or Trump sticker on the back of a Chevy Cavalier is here. 

I think there should be more bumper stickers on vehicles. I’m tired of trying to figure out whether the lady that cut me off in traffic and then flipped me off believes we should all coexist. That’s why coexist stickers exist. 

What movies do people like? What are their initials? How many children do they have and is there also a pet in the mix? These are all questions that are left unanswered on naked, bumper stickerless cars. 

The most pressing question that haunts me in traffic is whether or not the driver of the lifted truck in front of me is racist. I hear many of you are pressed about this “stereotype,” but fear no more; I have an answer. If they have a Confederate flag sticker they are, in fact, racist. They are doubly racist if they have an actual Confederate flag attached to their truck.

You see, without these valuable little adhesive signs, we would never know some of the most mundane things about complete strangers. Bumper stickers may make your car ugly, but they make my life better.

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