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I want a boyfriend.

Correction: I want someone who just lays in my bed with an endless supply of Chinese takeout and Double Stuf Oreos and tells me I’m pretty. 

With the weather inching below 75 degrees, it’s what is often referred to as “cuffing season,” meaning people are entering relationships which usually only last until Thanksgiving.

College students are craving to do cheesy couple costumes they found on Pinterest and take bland photos of themselves kissing among the red and gold leaves for Instagram.

There is just something about sharing the fall with a “boo” that so seems appealing. I mean, who wouldn’t want to expose a basic stranger to their family trauma and be asked when the wedding is while the green beans wrapped in bacon make their way around the too-crowded table.

Sure, we all need human affection. I just wish someone wanted to be my bedside Chinese and Oreo deliverer for reasons other than their internal loneliness while their friends get engaged to the Tinder hookup they got pregnant.

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