It’s finally here. This weekend I will finally get to enjoy the best holiday that America has to offer. I plan on having a raucous celebration with treats and costumes. I may even turn on a spooky movie late at night to celebrate. I am of course talking about daylight saving time.
Oh what, did I throw you off with all the hints to Halloween, the most overrated holiday ever? Ah yes, let me fork over hard-earned cash on a terrible costume or spend hours making an outfit that I will never wear again. While I’m at it, let me also add to my grocery bill by paying for candy to hand out to little kids as if there aren’t enough handouts these days. Who am I, Bernie Sanders?
Daylight saving time is free; actually, now that I think about it, this glorious day gives you money. The age-old saying is that time equals money and adding an extra hour — which this holiday really does — has to be worth at least 50 cents.
I hear that this was invented because Benjamin Franklin — the man who discovered electricity with a kite and a key in a mason jar, or at least that’s what he said — wanted farmers to see better and be able to work longer. Sounds like that means this holiday also comes with more food because farmers can produce more because they can see for longer. Could this day get any better?
The most important part about this holiday is that it offers an extra hour of sleep to all those who are weary and burdened. That’s better than any fun-sized candy bar I’ve ever gotten.
So, celebrate the best holiday in mankind and sleep in on Sunday. I guarantee you have a better time doing that than trick-or-treating.