I am 98.73 percent sure that global warming is a sham. This last weekend I froze my butt off.
Is it just me or is the middle of October too early for this crap? I could swear there was a season between summer and winter, but it obviously doesn’t exist here.
Global warming; I will admit, at one time I bought into it. But it’s been like 10 years since people started talking about it, and I don’t think it has happened yet. I was actually looking forward to a little hotter temperature. I like to be tan year round and after finding out that tanning beds are as dangerous as Arsenic, how else am I going to keep my glow?
Forgive me for being insensitive to all you environmental people and Mother Nature, but I am not a polar bear on an ice pack so I don’t really have that much at stake here. I really don’t see any downside to a little toastier planet. According to LiveScience.com, I found out that Marmots are ending their hibernation a full 3 weeks earlier than they have in the last 30 years. I say good for them, it’s about time we got some more productive Marmots. Polar bears are thinner than they were 20 years ago. Good. We’ re helping them keep their childish figure. And coral reefs are expected to triple in size due to warmer water. That’s awesome because now tourists will have more places to be eaten by sharks, and I get to watch it on Shark Week. All this great stuff and people are still trying to pass off global warming as a bad thing?
Things would be much better if we just quit this recycling crap and got this planet just a little hotter. I got so cold this weekend, I had to burn my Al Gore poster and DVD copy of “An Inconvenient Truth” just to stay warm. Maryville is possibly one of the coldest places on earth and it’s going to get worse and its only October. So let’s do everyone a favor, especially those kids that insist on wearing shorts year round, and please be more wasteful.
Let’s heat this sucker up. Burn 4 tires this weekend. Use 75 squares of toilet paper and flush 6 times. Keep all your lights on 24/7. Run the tap while brushing your teeth, showering, shaving and using the toilet. Spray as many aerosol cans as you can find. Buy a Hummer and drive it to your mail box 4 times a day; or better yet, just start the thing, crank the heat and sit in it for hours. (Please do not attempt in your garage). It’s time for some climatic change, I think we all should do our part to help it along, and do this quick because spring break is going to be here sooner than I can imagine and I do not have a passport to get into Mexico.
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