2008 Woodie Awards
Your Man frowns at tight pants
The Stroller
Last updated: 1/25/07 at 7:15 PM CST Section: The Stroller
Extremely tight jeans and eyeliner...every girl wears them. But now, that look is being not so subtly stolen-by Fall Out Boy.
Pete Wentz is a part of the problem. If you don't know who Pete Wentz is, it means you aren't a fan of 20-something males masquerading as 13-year-old girls with "Flock of Seagulls" haircuts. And if you don't know who Flock of Seagulls is then you're just sad. "And I ran. I ran so far away."
Sorry, got caught up in it.
I just don't see the motivation, or the appeal of looking like you're pre-op sex change and you've already jumped into the lifestyle.
Why would a man want to look like a woman in order to have sex with women? And what does that have anything to do with music? Apparently nothing.
I was once told that Emo isn't a musical style as much as it is an image. When I see that so-called "image" on someone like Wentz I think, "That's the prettiest gal I've ever seen. I'd totally do her," and she isn't even a she. She's a he, and that makes me feel dirty and misled.
How do I suppress those feelings of confusion? Like all men do, with hard liquor and self-abuse. I bury those feelings deep down in a dark place no one talks about. None of this "daddy didn't love me" crap. If you hate your father beat the crap out of him…that's what a real man would do.
But apparently real men aren't in demand anymore. Nobody wants a guy with enough chest hair and toughness to be a '70s porn star. They want a guy who can give them hair and make-up tips and talk about his feelings over a chai tea latte and a non-fat muffin (non-fat, what is this world coming to).
I propose a boot camp for all Emo people. We take them out and introduce them to their drill sergeants, Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck. Give them a few weeks with Magnum P.I. and Walker Texas Ranger, and they'll forget all about their emotions. Unless of course pain is an emotion, in which case they will be very in touch with their one new emotion.
They'll all come out with mustaches and chest hair. Instead of the "Flock of Seagulls" comb-overs they'll have flattops (think Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Predator").
But until we can implement Selleck's Boot Camp for the Testosterone Challenged, I advise all the Emos to go ahead and get the sex change. Make it official. Then I won't feel so weird when I tell a girl she has a nice turd cutter, and he turns around and thanks me.
Pete Wentz is a part of the problem. If you don't know who Pete Wentz is, it means you aren't a fan of 20-something males masquerading as 13-year-old girls with "Flock of Seagulls" haircuts. And if you don't know who Flock of Seagulls is then you're just sad. "And I ran. I ran so far away."
Sorry, got caught up in it.
I just don't see the motivation, or the appeal of looking like you're pre-op sex change and you've already jumped into the lifestyle.
Why would a man want to look like a woman in order to have sex with women? And what does that have anything to do with music? Apparently nothing.
I was once told that Emo isn't a musical style as much as it is an image. When I see that so-called "image" on someone like Wentz I think, "That's the prettiest gal I've ever seen. I'd totally do her," and she isn't even a she. She's a he, and that makes me feel dirty and misled.
How do I suppress those feelings of confusion? Like all men do, with hard liquor and self-abuse. I bury those feelings deep down in a dark place no one talks about. None of this "daddy didn't love me" crap. If you hate your father beat the crap out of him…that's what a real man would do.
But apparently real men aren't in demand anymore. Nobody wants a guy with enough chest hair and toughness to be a '70s porn star. They want a guy who can give them hair and make-up tips and talk about his feelings over a chai tea latte and a non-fat muffin (non-fat, what is this world coming to).
I propose a boot camp for all Emo people. We take them out and introduce them to their drill sergeants, Chuck Norris and Tom Selleck. Give them a few weeks with Magnum P.I. and Walker Texas Ranger, and they'll forget all about their emotions. Unless of course pain is an emotion, in which case they will be very in touch with their one new emotion.
They'll all come out with mustaches and chest hair. Instead of the "Flock of Seagulls" comb-overs they'll have flattops (think Arnold Schwarzenegger in "Predator").
But until we can implement Selleck's Boot Camp for the Testosterone Challenged, I advise all the Emos to go ahead and get the sex change. Make it official. Then I won't feel so weird when I tell a girl she has a nice turd cutter, and he turns around and thanks me.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 4
Erin Hunolt
posted 1/25/07 @ 8:32 PM CST
I think this is hilarious!!!
franc!
posted 1/26/07 @ 4:56 AM CST
Oh my! I do believe you have issues, lol.
Tuten and Woodcock
posted 1/26/07 @ 10:45 PM CST
Turd cutter heh heh.
Tuten and Woodcock rule.
Jimmy NOOO!!!
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